Unemployed

Today I paid a visit to the Swedish unemployment agency ("Arbetsförmedlingen"). Great fun. It was quite a lot of people there, probably all the people that has had temporary jobs during the summer, like me, and has nothing to do after. First I got to register on a computer. I entered that I was looking for job as a computer programmer and checked some programming languages and programs that I think I know a little bit. I didn't write anything about my university degree. Think that would make me a little bit too employable for now. Who wouldn't want to hire me? I've got a small army of old ladies that would warmly recommend me.

When I think about it, I think I will add some about my Chinese. I have no intention of getting a job now, and actually I really don't want an offer, but it would be interesting if I got one from my Chinese knowledge. I don't think I can actually do anything with it, and I don't see what kind of employer that would hire me for that (maybe Chinese restaurant?).

Then got to talk to a counsellor and he really wanted to push me to register other jobs. First I agreed on teaching. When he said that I could probably get that, I backed off and I said that I really wanted to try something else. I really don't want a job and especially not teaching. So I'm registered as someone looking for programming jobs and... working on an assembly line! So if you know anyone looking for that kind of employee, don't tell them. Now I will hang around a little until I know whether I'm allegeable for unemployment benefits. Or maybe I just go soon since I think it will take some time to process the papers.

I still haven't made any moves concerning my vague idea of my 'China: A Threat or Opportunity'-project as a reporter. I'm actually not that clear about it. The email I have written is not very good, so I will rewrite it.

It's official

When you have announced your love so clearly to your blog I guess you have no coming back. So...I have decided to become this fat-beer-drinking-sex-demanding-blob that I always wanted to be. Oups... That's already 2/3... Guess I only need to become fat. ;)

Midnight chat with mum

It's hard to kick the habit of sitting up late at night. Especially when you have send your sister of in the middle of the night. Afterwards mum, Johanna, and me had a late night chat down at the lunch table. It was nice to sit and have some adult chat with your mum. We talked about when Johanna and I went abroad as exchange-students, I went to the US and Johanna to India. At that time we received two girls from America that lived with us. I have not gotten to know them, but my family still keeps in touch with them. They made my mum and the rest of the family here learn pretty decent English, and I think that was a great influence on my younger sisters. When talking about what mum and dad will do now when almost all of us has moved out, she said one of her dreams is to go and visit Memory's (Yes, her name is Memory) home in Oregon. Cecilia has already been there a couple of times and they are good friends.

Talked to Stefan about calling the local newspaper. He thought it could be a good idea, though saying that I probably can't expect much money from them. Never mind the money. It will be interesting if I can pull it off and an excuse to meet up with business people when being in China. That will be something new.

Also called up my former neighbour to ask about his job buying/selling screws. He gave me a phone number to some PR-person since he was going to India tomorrow morning. Should have called him before... damn... Anyway, they could be the first pilot project for me as a reporter.

Have probably killed like a dozen mosquitoes while typing this text and been bitten equal times. They are little fuckers. Why can't the Chinese start eating mosquitoes instead of terminating all our tigers, sharks, and snakes? All mosquitoes would be gone in a summer. Just have to figure out some bizarre medical use of them. They are good for your? Penis? Nah. They use tiger, sharks and snakes for that. Brain? Sorry, pig brain already has this function. Feet? Same. They already eat pig feet for that reason. Actually they eat X feet for that reason (insert random animal name instead of X). Eyes? They eat fish eyes. Anyone can think of a random medical use of mosquitoes? Give me a good one and I try to sell it when I go there

Tina goes to the other side of the pond

My sister Tina is flying to New York on Monday to begin training for her year as an au pair in DC. I'm really happy for her and hope she will have an as transforming year as I had when I was an exchange student in Greenville 93/94. That year changed a lot for me and now I'm this smart successful winner ;) I have heard that many girls working as au pair are quite lonely, but I hope her year will be different. The little I've heard from her host seems to be good. Whatever cures her from becoming a teacher, nurse, or priest. Dear sisters... I'm just kidding.

Tonight we had a goodbye-BBQ. Tina said that her host family will come and visit Sweden during the fall and they will take her with them. Seems to be really nice people. Unfortunately I won't be there at the time.

The last night with the old

See you soon baby...

This is my last night working at this human end station. This morning it will be bye-bye Gröna Lunden. This summer has been a lot less interesting than last summer when I actually learned one or two things. I should try harder next summer when I will come back home completely broke (but fluent in Chinese!) to find something to do that brings me forward.

Then again, it's not that painful to work here. Tonight we had huge sandwiches with a mountain of shrimp on 'em. The other night one of the ladies made mushroom-sandwiches, and the night before that we had blueberry pie. Usually there's something left from the day which we can eat. So.. we mostly eat and watch TV. Recently I've been eating and typing on the computer. I guess I can do that for 138 SEK an hour.

On Monday I will register as unemployed and try to get some benefits for that. It's pretty complicated and I'm not sure if I will be able to get anything from it. As soon as I have emptied all means of getting easy money here I will take first flight to my baby who seems to be eagerly awaiting me. Love you!

Me and the Olympics

Me and the Olympics or Why-Can’t-I-Grab-a-Six-pack-and-Just-Enjoy-It

The Olympics has started. Can’t help becoming Mr. world-conscious and put myself above everybody else to judge the whole thing. So… I put on my usual critical, negative mood and just let go… ;-)

I haven’t completely decided whether I think the spectacle is a good thing or not. It is wonderful that almost all countries of the world has a chance to participate and that there is something we can celebrate together. I wonder if there is anything else that brings together so many people from all over the world. But it also badly tries to hide the incredible inequality and injustice that exists. Officially there is this polished surface that this is a fair, politically neutral, celebration of mankind. But even with all the money spend to polish this mega publicity event you can’t hide the vulgarity of it. The screaming fact that this is an utterly unequal, unfair world. The whole show is all about politics and power where the rich can shine and perpetuate an idea that we are richer because we are better. Rich countries where citizens don’t have to struggle for their daily bread have hundreds of participants. All trained with the best of drugs, the latest technology, and have been able to choose this activity because they wanted to. A county like India comes with a fraction of the participants of Denmark, and will probably score less in medals than for example Monaco. In China I think most athletes have been chosen when they were children and have been made to go through this with minimal actual choice. We celebrate a small privileged elite in each country that are good at… jumping, running, paddle a canoe, or throw a ball in a basket. Nonsense stuff that should be regarded for what it is: recreation and exercise. How can competition in these activities be of importance for anyone but the people that actually compete or themselves are doing or are interested in the sport? How can it become of national importance with a price tag of €10 billion. I’ve got nothing against people who spend their whole life running and jumping or even people who like to watch jumping and running. (Err… I mean, not much more than my prejudices that they are stupid and simpleminded.) But I think this in many ways regarded to be so much more. By many as a competition between countries. Between us and them. That leaves me with a bad taste. And more importantly, I think it’s boring to watch.

Olympics in China will make this even more vulgar. The facilities will be built with people who can’t read or write. Whose children probably won’t be able to attend class. They will be illegal workers with all their already limited rights stripped, since they probably won’t have resident permits in Beijing. It will be a tool for regime to distract its people from all the corruption and abuse of power. It will fuel an already unhealthy nationalism that is deliberately let taking the place of the previous failed ideology. Let’s hope it also makes the Chinese feel like they are part of the same world as the rest of us. I think the Olympics will make it take longer for the people in China to realize that a country is a way to organize a region in the benefit of the people that lives there. Not an entity of itself for which individuals could be sacrificed.

Thinking about it, I think the title of this text could have been: “Me and Life or Why-Can’t-I-Grab-a-Six-pack-and-Just-Enjoy-It”. ;-)

Days in Stefan's life

I received a phone call from Stefan this afternoon just after I had woken up. He told me all these things that to me seemed to be from another world. There must be worlds between how we feel right now and I find it so hard to relate no matter how much I try. His mother-in-law have passed away. The cancer finally took her life. Two days later Saga, my god daughter got a cousin. A little cousin that will never see her grand mother. A grandmother who will never see her granddaughter. As this wasn't enough of an emotional rollercoaster, Stefan also told me that Saga will have a brother or sister. I'm just sitting here and can't feel anything. I do feel a little bit sad that I can't be there or find a way to support him. Support them. I do want to show them that I don't take it lightly that Stefan choose me as Saga's god father. I'm proud, but also oh so incapable of showing it. I will try to go and see them in Göteborg during next week before they head back up north to Umeå.

My cousin's wedding anniversary

The other day was my cousin Sara's wedding anniversary. During the wedding there was a game which assign some of the guests a task for each month during the coming year. Being a guy who never, NEVER, wins in a lottery, was the guy among some hundred guests to make something special for the happy couple on their wedding anniversary. I was not very amused. I don't know them very well actually, and I thought I would be in China. It bothered me so much too that my parent seemed to get so enthusiastic about it too happy to send a message that they want us children to be happily wedded in soon too. In a church. And have babies. And get low paid jobs, like gardening, and try not to achieve anything in particular. Wow.. That was a bitter remark. Forgive me. I'm in some sort of phase. I'll get over it.

Anyway. That day I managed to sleep 16 hours and woke up 3 pm. I had planned to cook something and bake a cake for them (ok, ok, ok... My mum gave me a recipe. Thanks mum). Well.. So I go down thinking it's like 10 or 11 in the morning. But it's 3 pm. Death. Humiliation. I start to imagine all the shit I will get for it. Well.. I call my aunt, get their number and where they live. Yeah, I didn't even know that. Call them and tell them I will be an hour late or so. Make a cake in record time. While it's in the oven I take a shower, shave, and get dressed. Then out with the cake, drive to the store and buy food, and then off to their place. 5 pm I'm there and we have a really nice time. I was the first in the family to see their 5 days old son. It was really good and I got to know them a lot better. Their anniversary was not so important for them at that day. Think they were mostly tired and thrilled of having a child. Probably happy that someone came to give them some food. They are a really nice couple. But stuck now! Muahaha!! Well.. Whatever makes them happy. I'm afraid I won't be there for them to talk about diapers. Not unless I have one myself. (Woo.. Some sort of sign of a desire to have babies now? No.)

The old and me

Me and Emmy.

Another night at the old folks home typing the night away. Really not much going on. While working night we really don't get to know our "costumers" very well. They mostly sleep. I'm getting to know a lot of TV shows that I normally wouldn't see though. Maybe I will be able to relate to the content in our trash press (read Aftonbladet, Expressen, GT, Se och Hör, etc) better now. I think most of 'our' old recognize me, but only a few would be able to remember my name. When they do I'm pretty happy. They rarely remember the names of the female staff or mix them up miserably. It's quite interesting that the old ladies are never angry or mean to me, but quite often to my female colleagues. The old guys are indifferent to whether the person that helps them are male or female. I think this is a sign of the deep rooted gender inequality among the older generation. During their lives these ladies would never openly question or go against a male. I've been trying to teach a few of them some Chinese, but so far with rather limited success. I should face it. The circumstances are not the ideal. The motivation for my students might not be the highest considering the limited prospect of any future use. That future might be particularly limited. The memory is also not always in top shape. When giving them my lessons I wake them up in the middle of the night and they are probably more interested to know where the hell they are and who the hell I am. I have to admit that when I'm woken up in the middle of the night I'm not very receptive for new Chinese words either. Yup. It's a challenge. It's a touch job and only I can do it.

Avi on tour

Me and Avi on the camping ground in Värnamo.

Avinash and his friend Felix called me this morning. They are on a bike tour through Sweden. I meet Avi when he was studying at Chalmers. He's a friendly Indian guy and he is studying for his Ph.D in Germany at the moment. Was very cool to see him. Haven't seen him for tow years though we have chatted on the net. He had a little piece of paper in his wallet where it said that I was from Värnamo and he discovered that when they while camping in town. He managed to send me an email with his phone (first time he did that!) and I got it here at work. I send him an SMS and in the morning he called me. I went to see them at the camping ground and then they had to move on. I felt bad for not being able to host them, but hey, that was REALLY on a short notice.

Plans and hopes for China

Living with my parents is such a drag. I don't know what it is but sooner or later I just become so pissed off. I can't take the tiniest criticism without becoming so pissed off. I know I live off them at the moment and that bothers me a lot. That is a high price for me to pay, but I really don't have any other options at the moment. My choice of going back to China leaves me not much else to do.

It's hard to put a finger on exactly what it is that makes me so pissed off. I know I have this lack of respect of their life, but I think I might be pretty unfair there. I guess I shouldn't have these demands on them. Decisions they made in the past that effected me are still lingering in the back of my head. I basically see my dad as such a looser. Spending so much time with the church and his idealistic dreams. Basically going through the best time this country has ever had without being able to move on to anything. Always moving in the direction of least resistance, least demands. All jobs he has ever had have probably had only one applicant. All has involved a lot of sitting around, drinking coffee, with no pressure or demand to actually achieve something. When we kids started to fall out of the faith, we moved to the Christian belt of Sweden. That is here in Värnamo. Leaving all my friends behind, putting me in a really shitty situation in school. Yeah, right. God had spoken to him. Well, that period of time leaves me pretty bitter. And yeah.. I should grow up and get my own life. Living at home now is pathetic.

Have three more nights to go. Feeling inspired that I will soon be sitting on a plane again. I wish I had gotten started with more while being here. Working night really makes me tired for most of the daytime. I'm not content that I haven't come in touch with anyone yet. I have sent an email to an organization for companies in this area to see if they are interested in me writing a couple of articles for them. Like making a little tour in China and write about people and company with connections to Sweden and this region. Unfortunately that's the only concrete thing so far. I suck. I'm thinking of contacting the local newspaper too. Better check with Stefan first to see what he says. Maybe papers won't accept suggestions from strangers like me. Then again, why wouldn't they. They have nothing to loose. It's not like I will ask for an advance or anything. One idea is to compare two factories. A Swedish one and one in China producing similar products. The one that comes to mind is a company producing screws! An acquaintance is working for such a company and they have their factory here in Värnamo. They have also quite recently started to buy from China and have two employees there. Sounds like a start. Really hope I can get something going out of this.

I better get some sort of feed-back on these ideas soon, or I will just leave for my baby in Singapore. Should better go there as soon as possible. Really hope we will have a good time. We truly deserve it.

Fishing

Click to read the text on my dad's hat.

Went fishing in the morning with my dad after have only slept one or two hours. We got one tiny little pathetic baby fish. As usual I was more interested in relaxing than actually catching them poor little creatures. First day out fishing just me and my dad. No big argument or getting pissed off so maybe I should call it a success. That hat is a gift from me. I found it in a car trunk when I was in the States in '94.

Samantha have a new phone today and send me a bunch of cute messages. Really hope we can make it work out this time and I have a good feeling about it. I had a really horrible nightmare when I took a nap during the day. I dreamt she cheated on me. A bunch of British guys were hitting on her and she wouldn’t say no. Breaks my heart. When I woke up I felt really hurt and couldn’t really get over it. Maybe I am an overly jealous guy. I even dream about it. Hope my brain can figure out something more pleasant to dream about. Figured out that I could probably have earned more money by registering as unemployed then working this summer. Sucks since if I did I could have written some exams instead. But then again, someone has to come and light up the existence of my groupies at the retirement home. In my previous work I eared a lot more than I do with this summer job, and I have an insurance to get out money incase I get unemployed. I wasn’t sure how it worked. When I called up to ask about the insurance the girl there recommended that I should try to get some out of it before I go to China. In that way I will keep my benefits for next year. Otherwise I will lose them. Wonder how many people that are abusing this system. Now I wonder how long I can stay away and still get these benefits. Obviously I’m not allowed to go to China and get benefits. With 580 SEK a day you can have a pretty decent life in China! Working dayshift tomorrow with my beloved old ladies and gentlemen. Think it will be quite a change to see them during the day. The 13th I’m finished this summer of ass wiping and will be ready for new adventures. Haven’t really decided who I will let read this thing and what I will write in it. I think I’m trying to avoid lying and try to stand for what I do. Think there’s a high chance no one will read it. So, if anyone actually will, I will appreciate it. In return I will try to keep babbling on with out taking too much consideration. I read the chapter in blogger.com on what to do if your mom discovers your blog. One of the risks with that might be that she will actually get to know me better. ;-)

In Värnamo working with the old

Tina and Ella having vulcanic hotpot in Åminne.

Not sure what I will write in this blog. Woke up this morning, brushed my teeth, went down to have breakfast... blah blah blah... Well, I'm home during the summer. Thought it would be nice to see family and friends and maybe it is. But it's pretty damn boring. Hope it will make me more motivated when I go back in Beijing. Gonna need it. Learning Chinese is actually too much, but I'm right in the middle of it and I'm pretty stubborn. Shouldn't complain since I really wouldn't want to do anything else right now.

The main reason to come home was because Samantha was travelling in Europe. After have bought the ticket home we broke up, but we met up anyway. I think and hope that was a good choice. We have gone throught quite a bit now and maybe we will be able to ride this one out too.The picture is from when we made hotpot for the family.
I'm working in a home for old people. Night shift. Did that last summer too. It's pretty easy and quite different from most stuff I've done before. I start at 9pm, then basically make three rounds and give the old medicine, wipe their ass if needed, and move them around a little so they don't sleep on the same side the whole night. It's easy and you get used to the stuff pretty fast. If I would describe some of the stuff we do I think quite a few people would think it would be unimaginable, but if you've done it yourself it becomes natural and feels necessary and even important. One think is that most of them need painkillers and we give them a pill up their behind. Sounds gross? Deal with it. It's probably going to happen to you when you get older too. At least if you will be able to afford some health care.

Worries of becoming a China-bum

I've gotten to know myself a lot better since I've kind of dropped-out of my university program. Life has been a lot less structured and I have been able to float around fairly freely. My life with other hundred or so classmates, years and years of previous students, who all have been measured against the same ruler, the same standard, gave something fixed. Either you cared or not, but you were either a student who passed the exams, or you were not. There was some sort of basic requirement. I think my perception of myself wasn't correct. I believed if I only set my mind of something I would be able to do it. Silly naïve little me. There are so many things I can't control. I need the external influence. Scary. Going to China will push this to the limit. I won't have anything that put pressure on me. If it is up to me I will only go up in the morning to study if I feel like it. And I will of course only feel like it for 3-4 days and then I want to do something else. My plan? Well. I hope I can sign up for a private school. 2 or 4 hours a day to have a minimum of study and a little bit of continuity. Hopefully I can continue to talk to ZhangFan every day. She is a girl I pay to talk Chinese to. Maybe I will attend class with WuZheJian, but I think he will think that is annoying. Think he will be too polite to say it though. Why am I going on like this? Guess I'm worried that I will go into apathy, total lack of motivation. Like I feel right now. Maybe I should try to set up simple achievable goals and then try to forget about the pointlessness. Like all happy people seems to do. Well, I'm pretty happy actually. Maybe there some part of my brain that things learning Chinese actually IS meaningful and that one day I actually will learn the bloody thing.

Live or write? (Värnamo, Sweden)

Being impressed by Sam's blog and being tired of the declining number of emails screaming "Where the hell are you??", "Why don't you tell us what you are up to??", and "Are you dead?!", I have decided to give it a shot.

We'll see how many days I will be writing before I decide that I rather live life then write about it.

Searching for time

Scott, Scott's dad, XiaoWuzi, and me went to see a temple and a mosque, looking for symbols of time. Scott's dad is doing research on that in India.


The Hertels. Such father such son.

Me and XiaoWuzi

National day at Swedish Embassy

Celebration of the Swedish national day at the embassy.




Swedish children singing Swedish and Chinese songs.


The group of students from BeiWay who are studying Swedish!


A guy who speaks excellent Swedish.

Baba's birthday party

Baba on the ground with cake in his face


Me and Chris, an Australian friend also studying at Peking University.

Just me hanging out in Tianjin.

Filmrecording in Tianjin

Filmrecording in Tianjin. The film was about Deng Xiaoping's life when he was in Paris.


The director of the film

The poor guy playing the chef. The Chinese crew so much fun of him without him knowing it.




Posing in the street.


Me and the actor/actress playing DengXiaoPing