Idol

Been watching the Swedish version of American Idol, "Idol 2004". I've been on an audition when trying out for the high-school musical during my exchange year 2003. Guess that's why the show caught my attention. They asked us to come out one by one in the big auditorium. Out there was just the director and a woman by a piano. Jesus. I had just been pulled in by a couple of friends and thought I just join for fun. This was way to serious. Thing is, I had never sung alone like that for real. Singing a whole song solo in a absolutely quiet auditorium without any help except a key from the piano. Thought it would be pretty relaxed. Instead the director was sitting in the dark a couple of rows back without saying a word. Well, I sang from the bottom of my heart! Laud and clear(?). Was all red and sweaty when I was finished. They put me in the choir. Bastards.

Being home just waiting around is not good for me. I become a pretty nasty irritated person. Concerning my relationship with my parents I have to admit that I haven't been doing my part. I guess that can be explained by partly laziness and partly bitterness and anger. Since I'm an adult and I have put most of this stuff behind me, maybe I should act like one too. Thing is... adults are just big children that are pretending. Really. Leave me here in this house a couple of weeks and I regress back to the disobedient, stubborn, angry old teenage me. Well, a little bit more than usual one if you didn't think that was a change. The solution? I go away. Come back for shorter periods and try harder during that time. Think that is the best way to deal with it.