Thursday, January 27, 2005

Selfish love

After having stayed in Stockholm for some time doing her internship, I wanted to know how WangJun ("Uma") was doing and what she thought of Stockholm. In reply she basically terminated our friendship accusing me of being selfish.

[20:16] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: hej!
[20:17] Uma, Stockholm: What's up?
[20:17] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: not much
[20:17] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: you?
[20:17] Uma, Stockholm: i am fine
[20:17] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: the job?
[20:18] Uma, Stockholm: nice
[20:18] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: stockholm?
[20:19] Uma, Stockholm: nice to
[20:19] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: just nice?
[20:19] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: cold?
[20:19] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: boring?
[20:20] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: what have you done during this time?
[20:21] Uma, Stockholm: well, i have to say, if u would not let me know what i want to know , i ll never let u know what u want to know, maybe just ll never talk to u
[20:22] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: :-S
[20:29] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: i all the time tried to be crystal clear. i never wanted to be anything but friends.
[20:29] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: if you misunderstood you can't be bitter towards me.
[20:30] Uma, Stockholm: ok, i am not BITTER toward u!
[20:30] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: i suspected that you were fond of me so i tried to be careful not to hurt your feelings since i wanted to be your friend.
[20:30] Uma, Stockholm: well, ok
[20:30] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: how would you treat a friend that are fond of you? total rejection?
[20:30] Uma, Stockholm: seems u tried very hard
[20:31] Uma, Stockholm: at least u can say sth instead keeping slience
[20:32] Uma, Stockholm: and i do not even think ur a good friend, cause for my part, i think u never think about others, u only care about urself
[20:33] Uma, Stockholm: that is my opinion
[20:34] Uma, Stockholm: guess i should not be the first one said this
[20:34] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: i don't think there was anything i could have done to help you. i would not fake feelings you know...
[20:34] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: if that's what you think of me then i don't understand how you can be hurt.
[20:35] Uma, Stockholm: ok
[20:35] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: well... i won't bother you more then.
[20:35] Johan 佳宝,Beijing: bye bye

I can't say anything but than this conversation was quite annoying. If she ever helped me with things it was because she wanted. I believe it was rather mutual. For example I helped her to find a place to stay for free during her month in Stockholm. Noone has caused me so much trouble as her (the apartment fight, following me around). I was VERY clear that I didn't want anything else but friendship and I'm sorry, I don't think that there could be much more I could have done to break that illusion.

I do feel rather hurt by the remarks and I don't really know what you mean. I liked hanging out with you because you are very open-minded and easy going. If you feel you have sacrificed a lot of things for me, it was never what I wanted. If hanging out with me was a sacrifice that you got nothing out of, then I would never had wanted to hang out with you.

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