Thursday, August 12, 2004

Plans and hopes for China

Living with my parents is such a drag. I don't know what it is but sooner or later I just become so pissed off. I can't take the tiniest criticism without becoming so pissed off. I know I live off them at the moment and that bothers me a lot. That is a high price for me to pay, but I really don't have any other options at the moment. My choice of going back to China leaves me not much else to do.

It's hard to put a finger on exactly what it is that makes me so pissed off. I know I have this lack of respect of their life, but I think I might be pretty unfair there. I guess I shouldn't have these demands on them. Decisions they made in the past that effected me are still lingering in the back of my head. I basically see my dad as such a looser. Spending so much time with the church and his idealistic dreams. Basically going through the best time this country has ever had without being able to move on to anything. Always moving in the direction of least resistance, least demands. All jobs he has ever had have probably had only one applicant. All has involved a lot of sitting around, drinking coffee, with no pressure or demand to actually achieve something. When we kids started to fall out of the faith, we moved to the Christian belt of Sweden. That is here in Värnamo. Leaving all my friends behind, putting me in a really shitty situation in school. Yeah, right. God had spoken to him. Well, that period of time leaves me pretty bitter. And yeah.. I should grow up and get my own life. Living at home now is pathetic.

Have three more nights to go. Feeling inspired that I will soon be sitting on a plane again. I wish I had gotten started with more while being here. Working night really makes me tired for most of the daytime. I'm not content that I haven't come in touch with anyone yet. I have sent an email to an organization for companies in this area to see if they are interested in me writing a couple of articles for them. Like making a little tour in China and write about people and company with connections to Sweden and this region. Unfortunately that's the only concrete thing so far. I suck. I'm thinking of contacting the local newspaper too. Better check with Stefan first to see what he says. Maybe papers won't accept suggestions from strangers like me. Then again, why wouldn't they. They have nothing to loose. It's not like I will ask for an advance or anything. One idea is to compare two factories. A Swedish one and one in China producing similar products. The one that comes to mind is a company producing screws! An acquaintance is working for such a company and they have their factory here in Värnamo. They have also quite recently started to buy from China and have two employees there. Sounds like a start. Really hope I can get something going out of this.

I better get some sort of feed-back on these ideas soon, or I will just leave for my baby in Singapore. Should better go there as soon as possible. Really hope we will have a good time. We truly deserve it.

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